Pink Elephants

Which do you prefer to see, my coherent review or my RAGETASTIC ONE? (scroll down for rage).

Thought I should open with a coherent one before I unleash my nerd fury upon this film (trying something new). My expectations of this movie were totally wrong, and I really went hungry shark on that one. But first…

THE COHERENT REVIEW:

The fight choreography is pretty cool. You’ll like this movie if you enjoy etremely violent movies and shock humor (like, how hilarious it must be that this hero fantasizes about his postmenopausal teacher who wears low-cut blouses while teaching high school students).

But Kick-Ass is shallow and meaningless. The characters are EXTREMELY one-dimensional. The heroes, the love interest, friends, villians, etc…no emotion, really. The acting is bland and the writing is not smart at all. If it’s any sort of parody of comic book/action heavy movies, it really fails at it, because they end up doing everything just like one. About halfway in, it’s definitely Sin City/Quentin Taratino, styled but with dumber characters dressed in brighter colors.

It’s very dependent on Hit Girl to carry the movie, as she is the only interesting thing to watch, but it really drags out to watching a child being trained into a killer (by being shot, pummeled, etc) and spouts out swear words like no other…I don’t know. It’s not that funny to me. /personal opinion on kids and language nowadays

So without a theme (aside from, go out and be a super hero, because anyone can do it and it’ll end up alright somehow because you’ll have that jetpack), I really was disappointed by Kick-Ass. I haven’t read the comics, so I wouldn’t know what references are in there, but it just seems like a movie that just handed us a typical comicbook storyline while trying to dress it as “real”. Haha, yes, he has to walk around to patrol and uses MySpace as his batsignal and watches porn. hat’s about how “realistic” the plot is. Everything else is cookie cutter comic book/action flick stuff. Highly disappointly. I thought it would be funny and cool.

Movie Rating: C
Rage meter: 90%

THE RAGE REVIEW (with spoilers!):

I honestly didn’t know this was based on a comic-book originally, but I did think it was targeted to my type of people (nerds, geeks, super hero lovers). The first half of the movie was all about how this was a normal guy who did normal things and is supposedly in our current, valid world.

but NO.

NO.

As a nerd, I understand the whole “idea” of a Super Hero like the back of my hand. And there are just SO many things wrong with these “heroes”. And worse part about it, they were also totally unrealistic as well, so they completely missed the mark of whatever they were trying to set up the first 30 minutes of the movie.

Real people don’t talk like …I don’t how to describe what Nicholas Cage was doing. Real people don’t (or at least shouldn’t) think Kick-Ass is “potentionally” a good fighter (wildly flailing about =/= good fighting). And real people don’t let their supposedly gay guy friend dressed in a green suit creep into their window and then all of a sudden have sexy times.

The stupid tag lines of “I can’t see through walls, but I can kick your ass” and stupid crap like that was just total BS. They had their superhero powers. Kick-ass is the i-can-endure-pain, big daddy and hit girl spend all their time training and such, and red mist is the rich super hero with gadgets. They just do…occasionally stupid “realistic” thing. Like boogie in the car. And watch porn. And use myspace. (okay, that’s not really realistic anymore, but aside from that.)

And the “heroes” really aren’t heroes, just some guys out for revenge. For a mom to commit suicide, Big Daddy and Hit Girl killed a LOT of people. And screwed up their lives. And talk weird. They are no better than the guy who microwaved another person. Perhaps in reality, you have to kill the bad guys, i’m cool with that, but like in Kick-Ass world, there’s apparently zero repercussions, with police simply sitting and staring live streaming video of the mafia beating up the bad guys…And for a news station to stream a terrorist video for more than a minute?? I was like WHO THE EFF LETS PEOPLE AIR THIS SORT OF MATERIAL.

There was so much ‘HOW THE HELL IS THIS REALISTIC’ just screaming inside me the entire time, the film was ruined for me.

It’s like after establishing how ‘real’ this guy is, and then it’s completely unrealistic and then predictable. I prefer my twists to come with “boring to AWESOME”, not the other way around. I expected way too much out of a movie called “Kick-Ass.” Not worth my time.

Last quick issues:

• That was some pretty bad acting. Really hated the guy’s narration, it was so…unconvincing. And don’t get me on Nicholas Cage. He was doing this…weirdness…on purpose, I think, and he still sucked at doing it on purpose.
• They tried doing all these cool tricks to make the fight scenes look cool, like STROBE LIGHT!! and SLOW DOWN AND DESATURATE!! and CAMERA ZOOM AND PAN AT ALL THE UNIMPORTANT PEOPLE DOWN THE HALLWAY like wtf. Perhaps it might be okay if that was how it was like in the comic book, but it was just overpoweringly obvious, it became lame.
• The humor’s going to date SO BADLY. this is what you get for making MySpace and Lost ending references.
• ND they tried to set it up for a sequel. OMFG. Could it BE MORE obvious. *facepalm*

as Emily says, “well what the hell was that shit”

Sorry also for the overuse of quotation marks in this post.

uh my tumblr’s going to look a little dated tomorrow because I suck at reblogging but get bored and start queueing stuff from my likes.

Please don’t hurt me because I’m still a tumblr n00b.

Natalie challenged our group this (she found it somewhere on lj):

Take 10 items of clothing to make 7 outfits. Accessories don’t count (meaning jewelry, belts, and scarves, etc.) Shoes and hats count as an item.

Emily, Daren, and Lily did it with me yesterday~ (well, lily in spirit/webcam) It’s pretty interesting since all 4 of us have really different styles, methinks. 

My items:

1.) Striped three-quartered sleeved shirt
2.) Grey long shirt
3.) Green striped kite shirt
4.)  Stretch skinny jeans
5.) Denim shorts
6.) Black footless tights
7.) Long cascade sleeveless jacket (not sure what to call it)
8.) Salmon cami
9.) Knee high brown boots
10.) Black kitten heels

LET’S ROCK

Grey shirt, cami, jeans, heels

Striped shirt, denim shorts, tights, boots (yes i look retarded)

Kite shirt, cami, jeans, heels

Grey shirt, jacket, jeans, boots

Cami, Jacket, jeans, and heels

Kite shirt, cami, shorts (was looking for casual beachwearish. dem pale pale legs ;_;)

My favorite outfit: Jacket, Striped shirt, jeans, boots

SOOO awkward posing when it’s not for cosplay. Totally not girly at all.

LILY’S || EMILY’S || DAREN’S || ANYONE ELSE?